I consider myself very lucky.

 

I get to travel all around the world some places for personal interest some for business. And one of my favourtie places has to be Seattle. It is a truely wonderful city, it has amazing buildings, right by the sea, so delicious freshly caught seefood, near mountains that stretch for miles where you can ski, board, walk or climb and has a very active water sports community right in the centre of downtown.

 

There is a 8 hour flight between you and Seattle and that is exactly the right ammout of time to do some work, take some films in read a book and do some thinking. Exactly the right time to go through all those things in your head you put off and if you are lucky just the right ammount of time to be sitting next to a nice person who you can talk idolly to and learn something from, because whoever you speak with I find you at least learn one new thing.

 

The airport is friendly and welcoming, the staff are polite and efficient - mostly, and the taxi ride to my favourite hotel is long enough to see the city loom up on the horizon and evoke a feeling of excitement and home at the same time.

 

The People here are the exception, they are delightful, funny and perhaps I have been lucky but incredably friendly and helpful. They are fun loving and, for once, they don't assume I am from Austrailia - which is nice.

 

Everyone should come to Seattle...at least once, and I would like to show you the lakes, mountains, waterfalls and yummy food places that if you know you would come back again and again.....

 

You will never be Sleepless in Seattle unless through choice!

My routeen was changed this morning. But it was one of those changes that is not within your control to do anything about. Parking outside the station my Mum called, early enough for it to be of concer to me. The closest person we have had in our family, who has participated daily in our lives as a grandad figure, for as long as I can remember died this morning. He died with people around him who loved him, it wasn't a comfortable death it was rather messy, but he had people with him all the time, he wasn't alone.

 

It's made me feel numb, my brother is very upset, my mother is going to take it worst as she thought of him as a substitue for a father she never knew, my Dad will deal with it internally and supress anything too emotional and that is what I will do to because I have inherited my fathers ways of dealing with things that are too hard to talk about.

 

I came into work today because it seemed easier to follow a routeen than to work out what I should be doing by myself. Ironically its this routeen that has driven me mad beyond compare for the last few years, but now I understand why we as humans need routeen. My Nan used to say everything has it's place and a place for everything, she doesn't say that any more not because she is dead because I am glad to say she is not. She doesn't say it anymore because she can't remember what she had for breakfast today let alone some profound statement of wisdom that a genius once said and has been for ever more quoted. My Nan's words have lead me through most of my life, I have a quote for almost every eventuallity, my most favourite Nanism is "if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all" that has stood me well.  I think I would like to sit down with my nan and try to write all these things down, we could spend day's giggling and laughing at her sarcastic and dry comments and then make a fortune by printing them on the front of cheap Tshirts and selling them on ebay, but my nan can't remember her arse from her elbow so instead I'll just cuddle her as much as I can.

 

I am sad today. Death is unfair, my nephew will try to understand what has happened and ask questions for months and months about why he can't see and talk with my notgrandad and I am sure we will find some humour in some of these moments. But children can teach us a lot, they don't get too sad because they still believe and hope that they may just see them again. As we grow older we get more cynical and start to build up rediculous emotional barriers to help us deal with things that make us feel out of control. I think it's ok to beat the pillow and shout IT'S UNFAIR! I think we should still be like kids and hold on to hope. Hope make us less fearful, it makes us coragous and makes us live life through a childs eyes. And I haven't met one person who doesn't look back and say that when they were younger the world was a simpler and more fun place.

 

I'm childish and I'm staying here, I may see my notgrandad again soon, I don't know where but he will be in circumstances and in places I least expect and I will smile at him and laugh because I know he will still stink of Cigars and he will still remind me of Harry Enfields scetch about the swave old bloke in the gentalmans club with a silk smoking jacket on, slurping G&T's and telling inapproriate stories of is infadelity with charming ladies or about the war and about his escape from the Germans, about is freindship with very rich and famous politicans or just him being basically rude and brutal....because he had got to the age where you can and people fogive you still..... and of course getting ver ver drunk.

 

Bye Bye notgrandad ....for now.

 

 

Having reciently caught up with a good and dear friend I have decided to start to air my views on thw world, to rant in my own way about great things that I see and learn and to remark on events that I think are worthy of thought.

 

So I will start on my journey into work today. Everyday...well most days I get up at 6am, I find myself getting up everyday with a little less spring in my step as I know that the onslaught of a morning routeen which has taken me 30 odd years to perfect is now boring the pants off me. I am confident one day I will actually travel to work without any. I try to introduce new habits into this routeen like singing, dancing or stubbing my toes, poking myself in the eye with masscara is a favourite because it does actually provoke a reaction. My husband has also tried to make it more interesting by adding a miriad of noises, smells and snappy vicous comments into the 45mins of competative bathroom dodging, he is also very well versed in toe stubbing. You would have thought we lived in a small house but we don't, we have three bathrooms and yet still choose this routeen because ..... because if we didn't it wouldn't be one.

 

So lets get to the real hilight of the day, I commute, I choose everyday to get on a train and travel up to london from truely beautiful countryside. I choose to get into a train with possibly the most bizzar mix of retards and characterless tits I have ever met. They hate it when you ask them to take all thier baggage off the only seat left on the train that we pay at least £4K for per year. they tut when you sit next to them and god forbid your phone goes off to show that you actually do have friends and they don't...there is a reason it's called mobile!. They snort at you for laughing at Ricky Gervais podcasts (which I highly recomend) and hate it when you could just possibly be having a good day already.  "Why do I do this" is a question that hits me everyday up until I reach leicester Square and then I know why, beacuse London with all its dirt, drug addicts, winos, archetechture, culture, hookers, people, smells, sights, boats, events, parties, tourists, busses, taxis, shops, parks and of course the royal family is truely the greatest city in the world. And so I arrive everyday with a grin on my face transfixed by the beauty of big ben and the houses of parliment and keep whispering to myself.....you're a big girl now you work in London....

 

....the spring comes back to my feet, my smile gets wider - the lack of chineese homeless people starts to perplex me and why the homelss have cute dogs which look deciededly cleaner than them, and things go through my head that wouldn't happen if I sat in a field in Kent. My sences awake and my new adventure of the day begins....I tell myself I am like captain Nemo of the City ... I know routes other don't dare to tread I know sights and see events that others walk past locked in thier own small worlds, I smile and people wonder why and I stride into work with new sights and smells and feelings that I will sometimes choose to share with people and sometimes selfishly keep to myself.